There are over 7,000 books on the topic (source: Amazon), and every day the media serves up another set of tips, hacks, and “scientific breakthroughs” promising to make us happier.
Recently I found myself wondering:
Why are we so endlessly fascinated with happiness?
And it struck me that it often comes back to one innocent question:
“What will make me happy?”
It sounds perfectly reasonable. Sensible, even.
But here’s the surprising truth:
Nothing will make you happy.
At least, not in the way we imagine.
The illusion we’ve been sold
We live in a culture that teaches us happiness is created by things outside us.
Advertisers whisper that our dissatisfaction is caused by a missing ingredient—and that their product just happens to be the cure.
From cars to clothes to kitchen cleaners (yes, apparently spotless floors equal bliss), the message is constant:
“You’re not quite enough as you are—but buy this, and you will be.”
Some people don’t stop at products. They believe the right partner, the perfect job, or the ideal lifestyle will finally unlock happiness.
I spoke with someone who had such an elaborate list of criteria for their “perfect partner” that I wondered whether the person they were describing even existed.
This way of thinking leads us straight into the most common trap of all…
The Trap: “I’ll Be Happy When…”
Quietly, almost invisibly, we create a checklist—a future set of conditions that must be met before we grant ourselves permission to feel good.
“I’ll be happy when I earn more.”
“I’ll be happy when I meet the right person.”
“I’ll be happy when life looks the way I want.”
But this checklist is a mirage.
It’s like looking to the west to see the sun rise. No matter how earnest, focused, or sincere we are, we’ll never find it where we are looking.
My meditation teacher once told me:
“You’ll never have a better meditation by trying harder. It just doesn’t work that way.”
Happiness works the same way.
The harder we chase it, the more elusive it becomes.
So where does happiness actually come from?
Beneath the noise of our personal thinking, there is a natural backdrop to the mind—a quiet, spacious, effortless place.
People describe it using words like:
Love, calm, relaxed, inner peace, freedom, presence, nothing on my mind, free from worry… happy. These aren’t states we manufacture.
They are states we fall into when our thinking settles.
In those moments, the question “Am I happy?” doesn’t even occur to us.
We’re simply present. At ease. Ourselves.
The inside-out logic
From the inside-out understanding, the mind works only one way:
Thought → Experience.
Never the other way around.
The clearer we see this, the more naturally happiness, contentment, and peace begin to surface—not as achievements, but as by-products of a quieter mind.
There’s nothing to chase. Nothing to fix. Nothing to add.
Only a deeper realisation of how our experience is created.
And with that insight, happiness stops being a distant goal.
It becomes the natural side effect of coming home to ourselves.
PS. Do you feel inspired to know more?
1. Drop me a message (john@dashfield.com) and we can set up a time to speak on Zoom. No agenda, other than to connect and explore.
2. I recommend Rupert Spira’s wonderful book called ‘You are the happiness you seek’.
