It seems to me that we are happiest when we are simply being ourselves.
Perhaps this is why children spend so much time in joy. They have not yet created a rigid self-image, so they invest little energy trying to live up to one.
Spiritual teacher Ram Dass once observed that from the moment we enter the world, we begin what he called “Somebody training.” He wrote:
“What happens to most of us… is that when you and I were born, we were born into a social-psychological world… inhabited by people who were very identified with their separateness. They were somebody… and they trained you about those realities, because those are the realities that were real to them.”
Over time, we begin identifying with our thoughts about who we are. We create an image of ourselves and present it to the world, hoping it will be accepted, admired, or approved of.
But the more invested we become in maintaining this image, the more exhausting life feels.
Trying to stay consistent with who we think we should be takes an enormous amount of mental effort. For many people, it becomes a full-time job.
Yet our ability to genuinely touch, help, and serve others emerges from our willingness to be real.
Otherwise, we are just playing roles and managing appearances.
To be yourself requires vulnerability. It means being honest not only about your successes, but also your struggles, mistakes, fears, and insecurities. It means owning all of it.
The ego sees this as weakness.
In reality, it is strength.
And perhaps this changes the way we see other people too.
When you look at someone, do you only see their “somebody”? Or can you see beyond the image and connect with the shared humanity underneath?
If someone appears sharp, defensive, or abrasive, do you move into judgement? Or can you recognise the human being behind the defence mechanism?
Most people are not difficult. Most people are simply trying to protect an identity they have spent years believing they needed in order to be loved, respected, or safe.
But beneath all of that conditioning is something far more real.
A human being wanting the same things we all want: to feel seen, understood, valued, and loved.
And perhaps that is where real connection begins.
Not in trying to be somebody.
But in finally having the courage to be ourselves.
