On Amazon there are over 7,000 books listed on the subject of happiness. Every day the media serves up ever more sets of tips, hacks, and “scientific breakthroughs” promising to make us happier.
Recently I found myself wondering:
Why are we so endlessly fascinated with happiness?
And it struck me that it often comes back to one innocent question:
“What will make me happy?”
It sounds perfectly reasonable. Sensible, even.
But here’s the surprising truth:
Nothing will make you happy.
At least, not in the way we imagine.
The illusion we’ve been sold
We live in a culture that teaches us happiness is created by things outside us.
Advertisers tell us that our dissatisfaction is caused by a missing ingredient—and that their product just happens to be the cure.
From cars to clothes to kitchen cleaners (yes, apparently spotless floors equal bliss), the message is constant:
“You’re not quite enough as you are—but buy this, and you will be.”
It doesn’t just stop at products. We can fall into the trap that the right partner, the perfect job, or the ideal lifestyle will finally unlock happiness.
I spoke with someone who had such an elaborate list of criteria for their “perfect partner” that I wondered whether the person they were looking for even existed.
This way of thinking leads us straight into the most common trap of all…
The trap: “I’ll be happy when…”
Quietly, almost invisibly, we create a checklist—a future set of conditions that must be met before we grant ourselves permission to feel good.
“I’ll be happy when I earn more.”
“I’ll be happy when I meet the right person.”
“I’ll be happy when life looks the way I want.”
But this checklist is a mirage.
It’s like looking to the west to see the sun rise. No matter how earnest, focused, or sincere we are, we’ll never find it where we are looking.
My meditation teacher once said to me:
“You’ll never have a better meditation by trying harder. It just doesn’t work that way.”
Happiness works the same way.
The harder we chase it, the more elusive it becomes.
So where does happiness actually come from?
Beneath the noise of our personal thinking, there is a space within.
People describe it using words like:
Love, calm, relaxed, inner peace, freedom, presence, nothing on my mind, free from worry… happy. These aren’t states we manufacture.
They are states we fall into when our thinking settles.
In those moments, the question “Am I happy?” doesn’t even occur to us.
We’re simply present. At ease. Ourselves.
The inside-out logic
The inside-out understanding reminds us that we are innately healthy. Well-being is our natural state, not something acquired when the external conditions align.
The clearer we see this, the more natural happiness, contentment, and peace begin to surface—not as achievements, but as by-products of a quieter mind.
There’s nothing to chase. Nothing to fix. Nothing to add.
Only a deeper realisation of how our experience is created.
And with that insight, happiness stops being a distant goal.
It becomes the natural side effect of coming home to ourselves.
PS. Do you feel inspired to know more?
1. Drop me a message (john@dashfield.com) and we can set up a time to speak on Zoom. No agenda, other than to connect and explore.
2. I recommend Rupert Spira’s wonderful book called ‘You are the happiness you seek’.
